Finding Your Community

Come and suport this community!

Rarely does a corner of the internet surprise you with genuine human warmth, but that is exactly what Steve and Patrick uncover in this episode of Grossly Competent. The story at the heart of this conversation involves a stranger on Reddit's r/bald community who came looking for hair advice and left with encouragement to book therapy, take a nap, and ultimately shave his head.

What does it take to truly find your people?

In prepositional phrases and casual tangents alike, Steve and Patrick make a compelling case that community is not a burden but a natural exchange. Whether you prefer Reddit's anonymity or face-to-face connection, the episode argues that belonging matters.

The hosts also celebrate their expansion to YouTube. (We promise it's still an audio only format. - Steve)

Tune in to Grossly Competent and find your people.

Come for the chat, stay for the laughs, and run from their faces: We're Grossly Competent.

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• Give a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcasts,
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We appreciate you for listening!

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_02 0:29

Hello and welcome to Grossly Competent, the Learning and Development and Adulting podcast that does not claim to be pretty. No, we don't, but we'll happily pretend to be slightly competent. I am your host, Steve Countl, and I'm joined by my co-host, The Reason Behind Blind Dates, Mr. Patrick Ayleshire. How'd you know?

SPEAKER_01 0:52

I've looked at you.

unknown 0:54

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

That's right. I I thought we were audio only, so I'm not sure if you could see me.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Well, I can see you, but our audience can't, and that's a good thing that is on purpose.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Well, Steve, your consistency is inspiring. It's consistently almost there.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Right, you are, good sir. Uh, folks, we have some good stuff to chat with all of you about. But first, Mr. Patrick. Our listeners demand to know who is our sponsor of the week.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Today's episode is brought to you by the ice cube that lands on the floor. Scientists estimate every freezer produces one cube that's absolutely committed to escaping. It doesn't bounce, it explores. The ice cube that lands on the floor, keeping your socks humble since refrigeration.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

And if you have kids, that ice cube will remain on the floor forever. Yeah. Wow. Thanks, the ice cube that lands on the floor. Thank you for everything you've given us, uh, including wet socks, as you have stated. Um, or it's really great when you step on it and it's like that brittle point, and then it just shatters.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

You're like, that's what I also wanted.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

That's there's times, depending on how maybe big or small the ice cube is. If I will put forth the effort to bend over and pick it up. It's a it's a lazy actor. Are are you my kid? Just curious. I'm speaking for the younger generation, man. Come on.

unknown 2:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Yeah, because there's been plenty of times that one or two ice cubes falls. I'm like, you're gonna pick those up, right? They're like, Dude, did you just speak to me, father?

SPEAKER_01 2:56

I'll get it later.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Yeah. Yeah, when it's a puddle. Yeah. No, please don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Why don't you go uh go pick it's like going outside in the winter, you know? Why don't you go pick up your snowman? I'll get it later.

unknown 3:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Oh, I that is always great about the snowman, is it's like starting to turn green, like you get spring rolling around, and then you have a plastic carrot hat and like all the fixings. We have like this, like I think it's like a Lego brand kit that like you can like there's a nose, button eyes, uh, I can't remember what it has for the mouth, but then it has like a hat. You can put like a wand or like all these different like things that you can give it, and without fail, without fail, um, I will find those strewn through the yard when it's spring, as I'm like trying to clean it up. Like, this is fine.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

This is fine.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Yeah, so let's think back to our childhood. Maybe you could speak on behalf of your children, but snowman, you're building the snowman, the excitement is there, snowman's up. What's the like time frame of that level of excitement? Like, is it because I know like snowmen, it obviously depends on the weather. If it gets really warm, it's melting but like and they get dirty, the snow gets dirty.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Without a doubt, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Yeah, but it's gotta be what 24 hours max.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Oh, like, oh, I made this snowman and look how cool it is, like that kind of time frame.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

I'm just I'm trying to remember back from my childhood of how excited I was for like for putting frosty together, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Yeah, well, maybe this lends some insight into my psychology. Um, but the snowman never lasted that long because I'd build it and then I'd think to myself, you know what'd be really fun is if I took a running start and just speared this thing in the middle. And that is exactly what I would do, and just like crank into this thing. So all that you really saw Frosty was like a malformed bottom, and that's it, and just like kind of like some smash marks, like as if I was making the world's worst snow angel, like around it. That's yeah, I don't know what that says about me and my character or my inability to see things through, but I I don't know. I don't know how so you think about 24 hours.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Tell us about your character.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Well, do you know Frosty? You know Frosty? Oh, I used to beat the shit out of that guy, just run it, give him just linebacker. Just that guy owes me five bucks, and I remind him every time I see him, and he never pays up.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Yes, yes. Uh interestingly, I was just having this conversation with some co-workers of mine because I'm in HR, and I don't remember how we got into the subject about interview questions, and just ridiculous ones that we've heard in the course of our careers. Um, the uh somebody I work with, he told me a story about how when he was looking, he was looking for a position, and usually it's very good to do some background on uh a company you're looking into. He ended up getting a response back. Like the HR manager is like, oh, yeah, you'd be a good fit. What do you know about our company? And he started to do the nervous laugh because he realized he had done no research on the company, and he just did like the think think thank you for your time. We were just we were just laughing, just like on how ridiculous that is. But cool story. I know. Phone interview? It was he's like, I'm not gonna lie to him and claim like, oh, I know that you exist. Like, he just is better than that.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

So he was like, he just started laughing, and it was the awkward like job looks great, and the salary ring looks fantastic, and uh your company, it's it's it's around, it's been open for at least a couple weeks, months.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Yeah, yeah. I've driven past yeah, yeah. Your your lighting in your parking lot. Oh exquisite. Yeah, he didn't even he he couldn't even muster that.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

He just did the like the oh my god, you caught me. What he could have done is the old like, well, I don't have a lot of experience in that area, but I am willing to learn. I'm a very quick learner.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Ooh. I uh I had recommended the fake my phone is breaking up, hang up, quickly look them up and garner like three factoids, and then call back. Like, I am so sorry, I don't know what happened.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

So you're on Mayville Road, hey? She's like, you you googled our Texas location. Damn it.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

You're not out of the I thought that's where this was. I thought that's where this position was. No, it's it's it's on site. Oh, I thought I was just gonna be traveling daily that I didn't know. This joke is brought to you by dead horses, and we're beating it. My god. I actually wanted to bring something up prior to our topic if you're cool with that. So, listeners, we recently announced this, but I will state it again. While we are an audio-oncast, Grossly Competent is now ready and available on YouTube. That's right. We share the same streaming universe as Mr. Beast and Mark Rover, um, who are both obvious friends of the show. So we can make sure we deliver girls competent all the way to your ear holes each and every week. But I did think it would be really fun that uh to celebrate this milestone that we would love to see who can rack up the most comments on videos. And I have already seen somebody start. Um shoot, I should have looked up their name, but they are running rampant writing first on our videos, but I think somebody needs to dethrone them. So we may need to hook them up. Oh, and I have to I have to say the bit. Don't forget to like and subscribe to Grossly Competent on YouTube. Do it now.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

I like it. I think us being on YouTube is really exciting. So I appreciate the work that you did and no, no problem.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

It was actually kind of fun uh to put some play around and fine-tune some things. So obviously, if there's something wrong, you want to send that information to PatrickAilshire at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

I have a 24-7 out of office reply.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Good. Good. Does it just happen to say I'm out of office?

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Good callback. Yes, it does. So let's get into our topic, man, because uh YouTube is YouTube is YouTube. This is this is probably gonna sound like a very weird question, but since you are a man with a head full of hair, I know this is an audio only format, but folks, I am I am lacking in said hair on top of head, where Mr. Patrick has beautiful flowing locks in comparison. So this might be an odd question to ask you, but are you familiar with the Reddit subreddit called R-Bald?

SPEAKER_01 11:22

Steve, that would be one rabbit hole of Reddit that I have not slid down yet. So you are familiar though. I guess I haven't heard of it, but I'm like, if you were like, oh, it's there's a thing called ball. Oh, sure. Like I got it. You uh oh okay. But according to my limited knowledge and even weaker memory, I believe I should be okay with the hair on my head due to my grandfather having a great set, even in his late 80s. And I think I recall from middle school that hair is based off somewhat based off of your mother's father.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

So when you say your grandfather has a great set, I just it's it's real, it's real.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

He had a great head of hair. Great head of hair.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

How how would you rank his set? Like, would you the right word?

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Maybe that wasn't the right word.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Anyway, we don't need any more reasons for Apple Podcasts to hate us. All right, so it sounds like you have very limited, if like basically no background in this, and that's okay. And I assume some listeners out there are thinking, what are you talking about? So, number one, if you're not familiar with Reddit, it is a social platform that you have anonymous uh usernames, and there are a series of communities that you can subscribe to where people will post very specific niche things into these things, right? Like, so if you're really into landscaping, let's just say, there is 99% chance that there is a landscaping subreddit where like-minded people you can talk to or ask questions of or whatever. It's genuinely uh it's like the social platform I use the most because I find it the most uh educational. All right, so now that we have what Reddit is out of there, now let me tell you about what bald is. So in this case, R slash bald. That's the way they kind of write the names of their communities. So it is exactly what you probably think it is. It is a community of people that are in fact bald. Yes, yes, there we go, there we go. Okay, so but it's specifically what this subreddit does is people that feel like they have thinning hair or they're maybe migrating towards like the baldness, they'll take a selfie of themselves and they will quote unquote ask the council, not Steve Council, like the council isn't anyway, for advice on whether they should just shave it all off and go bald, or do they have a little bit more time? Like, does that so far make sense? It's meant to be tongue in cheek, have a little bit of fun, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Yes, I'm with you. So, how are the attitudes of people who are quote unquote balding versus those who have taken the plunge to shave their heads or to be bald? Okay, I mean, I know that word is bald might be different than shaved head, but I have a because I have a friend who took the plunge years ago and he's quite clean shaven. I unfortunately has mentioned with a thick mop on my noggin, but I am generally curious what the like I guess I want to make sure I'm understanding.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

So are you saying, like, is there a kind of like a consensus opinion that those that have that either are just naturally bald or versus those that um just choose to shave their heads? Like, is there a differential? Like, is that kind of what you're going for? Or am I maybe reading into this incorrectly? No, I think that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

So just like overall attitudes of what those what people know not at all.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

And I think let me kind of continue, and I think I'm gonna answer the question, okay? So, to your credit, you would think that a subreddit that dedicates itself literally to name bald, that no matter what somebody takes a picture of themselves, you'd think that the response is gonna be like shave it off. Um, but that's that's actually not the case. There's been plenty of times that somebody just might be lightly balding or something, and they're like, nah, man, you got more time, or hey, maybe try to do this, and that will really like a common thing might be like if somebody wears glasses and they're like, Hey, I tell you what, get like wider rimmed glasses, this kind of color that'll really make your eyes pop and it'll add tech like people like really are helpful. Um, but and that's that's really the the traction that this subreddit is gaining is that it is without a doubt, I would be willing to be tested on this. It has to quite honestly be the most wholesome and caring corner of the internet, and I I genuinely wholeheartedly mean this. Like, so sure, somebody posts a picture of themselves and they're clearly thinning, and maybe they have like a rat tail or something. It's like, yeah, they might give you some playful jabs and ribs, but anytime somebody takes the advice of like you should shave, and then somebody gives the update, they show their shaved head, they call it a quote unquote glow-up, like blow up, but glow up, like you're glowing, and people just sing your phrases on like you look so good, or even if maybe somebody shaves and like they I don't know, something's misshapen, or they have a patch of something like something doesn't look right. They always work with them to like help them out, like, hey man, good effort. We really like that. Um, maybe try this or let it grow out a little bit, and maybe don't do it all the way, like bick shave it. Let it like just a quarter inch or something like that. Maybe I'll look a little bit nicer. Like, so they're constantly just trying to help people, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

And I probably because we're our own worst critic. And yeah, I think something as far as uh a subreddit that's about physical appearance in a way, I think that we can people can be really tough on themselves. And it sounds like this community is overall very helpful, very positive. Yes, you're it's not even like I mean, you can call the phrase constructive criticism, but like it's more it's more in the the sense of helping out, of wanting to give people suggestions because you you're seeing it, it's something like looking in the mirror almost, but like you're you're able to say, Hey, I have suggestions because I'm seeing this photo of you. This might work better based on all this other experience we've had with people in here.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Yeah, and I think you raise kind of an interesting point, and that is like this idea that we can be so hard on ourselves. Um, I mean, let's really be honest. We are born with hair, right? Like, I mean, I shouldn't say that we grow hair as we're little babies, typically. But hair is something that you work with every single day if you have it, right? Like you might style it, you choose things like to wear specific to your hair, right? So then when the option comes of like, well, I'm gonna be missing that piece of me, you can see why some people are hesitant. I mean, hell, there's a reason why uh just for men and all that kind of like hair grow rogue, like there's a reason why those things exist because that is something that people can feel very personal about. What this subreddit is trying to do is free people of that, just being like, no man, just be you, just be you and own it. And once you do, you don't have to worry about what anybody says. Like, yeah, you might get a little bit colder in the winter, but worth it, man. Like, so all that said and done, what I I really why I wanted to bring this up was there was a post recently, like two, maybe three days ago. So by the time you folks are listening to this, this will already be old news, man. It'll be like a week plus old. But in this very standard post, guy asks age-old question, like, should I shave it? You know, whatever. And he takes a picture, a couple pictures of himself. And rather the interesting thing is, and I I'll make sure I like link this in the show notes. The first like responses have nothing to do with his hair. The first responses are like, hey man, you okay? Like, you look tired, or like you you look a little sad. Is everything okay? Which is so weird. Like, this is a subreddit to talk about whether or not shave my head. You're gonna ask me how I'm feeling today. But interestingly, the original poster, or OP, as they're called, uh, he responds and turns out that he was actually struggling just physically and mentally. Like, he just wasn't having a good go of things. And sure enough, so they the responders give all these different ideas and like, hey, do this, or maybe dude, take a nap. Like, just take a nap, man. Like, wake up and feel refreshed. Like, try that on for size. And I kid you not, the dude, like hours later, sends another, he makes another post and it's called Update. And he uh he took a nap. He went and got some nicotine gum because that was part of what he was physically dealing with. Uh he what else did he do? Oh, he set up therapy appointments because he's been like dealing with some kind of heavy stuff. He didn't get into that, but he's been dealing with some issues and some personal challenges. All of this, and oh yeah, and he shaved his head, and he shaved his head, and it's funny because you can even see uh in these pictures, there is a distinct difference in these facial expressions of these people. Like the first picture with hair, they're kind of like, oh, kind of like second guessing themselves, and then they do it, and they're there's a smile, like their eyes smile, like as weird as that is. Like you can tell it made a difference, but This specific one just was so fascinating to me because this guy who none of these people, none of these people, these responders know who he is, but they offered their genuine and sincere help of just like, hey, you should try this. Do you need help finding something? Like they all went and like were batting for this absolute stranger. And I would like to think that his life is now better because of a stupid post that really could have been tongue-in-cheek, like, yeah, you look like shit. Like it could have been that easy. Shave your mullet. Whatever. Nope. He did it. He's a better person because he did that. Not because he shaved his head, but he took the feedback truly and like internalized it.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

That is a very cool example of humanity existing in a positive light. Which is very hard to find nowadays. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

So I dude, I totally agree. Like, yes, it's I think we've talked about this previously. Like, the world would have you think that we are all so different and so divided, and everything else. So it is a breath of fresh air to see these kinds of things in real true form of like, oh wow, that's incredible. And I God, I love that so much. But I will stop my ranting here because I wanted to get to the now that we're what 40 minutes in, wanted to get into the crux of what I was really hoping to have at least a minor discussion about. And that is like the real power of finding your people. Like find your community, whatever the hell that is, right? Is it coworkers, people in your industry, uh, people, it doesn't matter. Like, but the importance of just finding them, it can't be overstated. So I guess that was what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted to spend some time chat about what does that look like? What's it look like to find your your community? What are what are like the health benefits of doing it? Like in this guy's case, I would like to think he's a much better person for it. And just kind of run with that. I I hope that doesn't seem too generalized or broad, but I think I just was really inspired by this.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Yeah, I love it. I love the idea of finding your community.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

I've seen a lot of coasts on social media over the years, last few years, specifically since COVID, and what started as a loneliness epidemic a little after that, I think it was declared in 2021 or 2022 by the Surgeon General of just people being so isolated for so long and losing out on, missing out on the community and social interaction with others.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

So whether it's those who quit or cut back their drinking, which would be like the NA space community, those who take their health and wellness seriously, the the fitness community, the foodie influencers, or if you're just looking to meet new people, like mesh coffee meetups, or the wide range of meetups across the nation, the meetup.com app and website. Yeah. I think there's just there's a lot of possibility and opportunity.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

I feel so dumb. I didn't even think about that. Because I know you've mentioned time and time again, um listeners, if you're new to the show, if not, um Patrick is part of this NA community, right? Like, and just by your choice, whatever. And also don't forget to pick up your zero-proof mask. But sincerely, I'm joking, but like even when we had Melissa McGovern on, you two both talked a lot about, and you use that exact phrasing, like the NA community, the community, the sobriety community, and how much it meant to you. And I I do think there is such a power in finding like-minded individuals and using one another as a support mechanism. Like that doesn't mean you have to just rely exclusively on them because it's like in your case, it is a personal choice, it's a willpower thing. Like, that's good. You need to have that internally, but it's also just like anybody that's ever had a crappy day and you've relied on a friend or a confidant or a coworker or a spouse, and you just need that person to speak to. That's your community. Like, that's that's exactly what that is. I'm looking at it from an even broader perspective of even if things aren't necessarily going wrong, or you want to change something that's different or whatever, still finding your community is extremely valuable. Yeah. Because you you can learn and you can grow from the perspective of others.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

And that's where I feel, even with let's say the NA community, just as an example, because I I I do follow and read a lot into that. At first, again, and I, as I as you mentioned, I stopped on my own. It wasn't a ever necessarily a major concern, other than I was like tired of hangovers, so I didn't have a dependency. It wasn't like I needed to necessarily for health reasons, but at first it was, and again, I've spoken this a lot. Now I know there's a community on Reddit for this, but I haven't really jumped down too much of those yet. But I found on Instagram is where I've really liked the community.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

But the initially it was, yeah, getting that motivation from people who have stopped and all the things they're saying about the benefits of not drinking and all the wonderful things, waking up clear-headed and not being hungover and money, all that stuff, right? But now I've I'm a couple of years past that where I like to just follow and talk to people about the the different types of non-alcoholic beverages that they're drinking. So that's just fun because it's a hobby, it's an interest now of trying different NA beer because there's so many different craft NA options out there now, whether it's beer, mocktails, spirits, you have such a variety. And so that's just another fun way where people like to talk about you know different places they go to, bars or restaurants that carry things, or where you can order things online. And so it does shift over time. Um, so kind of back to your point with with the bald Reddit, subreddit, there's people in there giving advice that maybe were like that first poster that you mentioned years ago, and they have that experience. So now their involvement in that community has has shifted.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Yes. So it's something you said, and it's funny because as you were talking, I had to write it down. I was like, oh, I got it. I that's such a good point. And that is you mentioned that you know Reddit has these forums specific to, like, say the NA community, but you were really drawn to Instagram, and I think there's something there. And what I want to make sure that the audience understands too is that Reddit is entirely anonymous. Like people create usernames, and there's there's an unwritten rule of you don't share your username on Reddit. Like you just you don't. No, like that's that's it. It's anonymous. Um, where Instagram it's not, it's personalized. Like you can see these people, unless they never take a picture of themselves, like, okay, that's fine, but like it's them. You you can track them, you can find who that is. You can start to understand like their likes and their dislikes. And yes, you I guess if you really felt like it, you could on Reddit, but there's a there's a key there. So I guess uh what I'm uh doing a really crappy job of getting to is that you have to be okay with what the community looks like, yeah. Right? Like so in this case, if you're fine with a bunch of nameless or faceless names giving you feedback, you kind of have to take it with a grain of salt and just be willing to have faith that they're doing it with the best of intentions. Where if you do an Instagram thing, for example, right? Like just talking social media because it's so accessible, you need to be okay with the fact that your face might be associated with that community. And as long as you're okay with it, then what the hell? Then go for it, I guess. But just knowing and being okay with it is a really strong sticking point.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

And if it to that point, too, whereas Reddit is gonna be short or long form, writing out posts, comments, right? It's it's just essentially uh ink on the paper or typing out on your screen, right? Where Instagram, for someone maybe that wants to follow someone on Instagram, you've got the videos, the posts, the pictures, and so there's there's a little bit of a variety there. But yeah, like you said, that's a definitely a different comfort level. And kind of that's part of what I wanted to was I was gonna bring up too, is it's an effort level too. So, like, oh effort's a big part of you know, putting yourself out there as far as um, you know, really going ahead and and finding that community. What is that what does that look like? You have to ask yourself that. What does that look like for me or to me? How much effort am I gonna and be willing to put into finding a community that I'm looking for? So we could talk about this a couple ways. We could talk about you said something about work earlier, like networking the thing. That could be that could be an option you're talking about. Work is it's what does it look like attending seminars, networking events, signing up for a lunch and learn at your company, or join joining a committee at work for whatever reason that falls under. How does that fit into the day-to-day schedule at work? But if you're talking about the personal side, which I've talked to about a little bit already, it depends on maybe your personality. And if you're comfortable being uncomfortable, yeah, putting yourself out there by going to some sort of event to try to find other like-minded people, as you mentioned before. Are you gonna try it one time and then quit? Or are you gonna maybe put in the effort to say, okay, well, this is the first time I went to this event? So let's just say like chess club, right? There's definitely meetups in all cities for this, right? Chess club, they're literally in why there's like a sewing club, there's all sorts of stuff, right? Did you have a good time the first time, or do you need to maybe come back a few times to see if this is those people? Are are these your people? Is this your community? Yeah. Um, possibly gonna be around with.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Yeah. And I think you raised kind of I mean, I continue with like the chess club thing. I yeah, I don't know. I I I I know how to play chess, um, but I wouldn't exactly be part of a club. But I because I I'm poor. But I think something interesting is, and to your your effort comment too, is um there is give and take on that effort, right? Like, so let's just say you decide to attend said chess club thing, and you find that people just aren't very inviting, it's like, well, just because you like the hobby or that, like maybe you need to figure out an alternative way to exercise this community effort. Because if you're just gonna try to spin your wheels with people that aren't um don't have your best interest in mind, then stay away from that. And I think that goes for every aspect. If you join a committee with work and it's just negative BS and people talking behind other people's backs, that's not really productive. Um, you when you're looking for your people in your community, you're looking for those people that I guess for lack of a better term, like that have your back. Like they're the ones that if they need your help, you're there for them. And when you need their help, they're there for you. That hell, the entire definition of a community is a group of people that share an interest, goal, or identity. And that should stick true when you're trying to find those people. Like that that should be your guiding light. Like you and I, learning and development, you and I do all this talking. How many people have you met in learning and development? Whether it's from us doing this podcast or from you going to different events, you start to talk to other people, they might toss you an idea, like, oh, it's a really cool idea. I like that. And then maybe at some point they need your help. Like, that's that's awesome. That is building a community, and it doesn't it doesn't really need to be this this burdening task? It's just it sh the more of a task it feels like, the less natural it is.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, I definitely would agree with that. Do you uh the second point I want to get to, and maybe you can start with this too, is what do you feel? You you asked earlier about benefits. Yeah, do you feel are some benefits for someone maybe who is looking to join a community or to find their people?

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Sure. Um, you funny enough, you actually kind of touched on it earlier. Um, and now I forgive me, folks, and this is going to come as zero shock to anyways listen to more than one episode. I am ill-prepared with data or any research whatsoever. So everything I tell you, take with a grain of salt, but I have a feeling you're probably going to fall in line with what I'm saying. Um, you mentioned earlier about the loneliness epidemic that took place during COVID. There is a reason why that was something that was talked about. Humans are social creatures. Like we are. We from the earliest days coming out of caves and you have hunter-gather one. The reason why the human species has sustained and lasted is because of community. Because I know that if I'm going hunting with Patrick, it is to our best interest for us both to be alive to bring back the food for our community. So I know Patrick's gonna look out for my back and I'm gonna look out for his because it is in our best interest. Now, we're not exactly doing that on a day-to-day basis, although if you are listening to us in the future and the AI apocalypse has taken over, there is a possibility. But I I might be getting a little bit too into the weeds in this, but I I really do feel that people need that sense of involvement. Whether I don't care how introverted you are. Actually, I'll give an example. I have a really, really good friend of mine. Um huge metalhead, huge metal head. Like, we've bonded over music since we were 13 years old. Very introverted, like hates going to events unless he knows like the people, and then he'll slowly warm up even then. For someone like him, going to events with people he doesn't know feels really uncomfortable. But if he knows he's going to a concert, he does not care that he is in a room full of strangers. What he cares about is he is in a room with like-minded people listening to a band that he agrees is acceptable. Like, so that's kind of what I meant when I said it doesn't need to be this daunting task of finding your people. Sometimes we have to have the kindergartner aspect of it where it's like, hey, you like Power Rangers? I do too. Did we just become best friends? Yes. Like, sometimes it is genuinely that easy, like it's just not meant to be that difficult because community is so ingrained in who we are. And I hope I didn't beat the horse too hard on that one, but I really wanted to stress just the level that somebody shouldn't have to go so far above and beyond for the benefit of being involved with the community.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Yeah, that's a you brought up a good point too, because I I mentioned a bit ago too, as far as, and you brought it up as well, as far as personality. So depending on comfortability level of you know whether you're ex you're introverted, extroverted, maybe an ambivert in the middle there, it yeah, that can change how willing you are to go meet new people or to go join a club. And so, kind of to your point earlier with like the Reddit community, that might that can still be a community, even though you're behind your keyboard, behind on your phone, whatever it is, you can still relate and find common interests. Now, I like I will always suggest that it can be very beneficial to leave your house once in a while and to um you know go meet some people in person. But if you are having trouble with something that a bunch of strangers can help you out with, especially if it's anonymous, I think that's a great way to go about it. Yeah, so with with you know leaving the house, if if that is something that you actually do want to do, I think a big part of finding community is about that dopamine hit. Oh, oh yeah. When do you get into a conversation with even a stranger about something that you're both interested in, whether it's networking, learning, development, you know, a course that you guys just took, or some common commonalities or common interests that you have. You know, the underlying benefits and statistics about why having healthy relationships or friendships is important, you know, however you refer to them, it's a good thing for the heart, good thing for the mind. You can come and go as long as you please. It doesn't have to be a four-hour training event, it doesn't have to be an all-day thing. If your friend was at that concert and he's obviously into the music, so he's loving it, he's with other people, but at that some point he was like, This is too much. Then he could just go. That's the best thing about he got to spend an hour of the concert, and he's like, All right, I'm good. Yeah, you Irish could buy that as often and as quick as you want. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 43:14

Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

Like, I mean, I personally coffee meetups every now and then, and that's the cool thing about getting coffee, right? You can they typically last about an hour sometimes. There's a couple of people I've I've met more than a few times. We might talk for an hour and a half, maybe two hours, but there's also people that are there, and one guy told us, he goes, I just get really I get really antsy after like half hour. So he'd come and after half hour, he's like, I'm gonna head out. Cool, enjoy the rest of your day. Yes, nice to meet you, you know, and that was fine.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

Yeah, you said something about it when you're talking about the dopamine hit. Oh hell yeah. If you want to know what like when somebody has that dopamine hit, like when you have met like somebody that's quote unquote your people, your community, um, align yourself with a hobby, like so you get them talking about something they're passionate about, and then you like it too. Like my wife will make fun of me. Like, I'd mention my friend Big Metalhead, I am too, where we start to talk music. She's like, I feel like it's a different language, but she's like, and you guys get so excited, like talking about bands that have not been around for 30 years. Like, you you watch your song, you watch it. Like, we'll get into like debates, and it's all lighthearted and good fun, but that wasn't always the case, right? Like, I what I'm trying to get at is when I first met him, we had to feel each other out, right? Like, just like you have to feel everybody out, and it just so happened to be I was standing in line for Metallica tickets. He was two, so I'm like, oh, sweet, you like Metallica? He's like, Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I'm like, you're my guy. Like, oh, okay. So we yeah, but like we we we have a banter back and forth. His favorite Metallica album is And Justice for All, and mine is Master of Puppets. And I always tell him that he's allowed his opinion no matter how wrong it is. Um, but he's allowed it. Like, so we we joke, and now like our kids are in on it, but like that grew from those discussions that kind of dopamine hit of like, oh my god, I found somebody that's also like into the same stuff I am. This is so cool. Uh like it's a really neat and exhilarating experience. And then when you start to compound and grow that, dude, yes, it's so awesome. You feel like you're a part of something, which is, I mean, I obviously you're a part of a community, you're part of something, but that how am I trying to word that? That sense of belonging is so important, whether it's personal or it's professional, or it's just for fun. Like, but feeling like you're a part of the conversation is great, which I genuinely think is why social media is as prolific as it is, because it's accessible involvement. It's that ability to on a whim type a couple of lines into your phone. Now you're involved with the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

Yeah. There's I think all of our discussion today is there's this is the bright side of social media, how it can be positive, yeah, impactful when you're helping someone, you know, with maybe a situation where they were struggling with, and in whatever topic or area that might be, and that's I think the the positive side of it, the benefits. And you we uh know very well, everyone does, that there's a lot of negativity out there too. But it's it's cool to see and to know that there are these subreddits, areas of Reddit, corners of the universe, the of the internet, I should say, that are you know very positive and kind and I'd say also helpful, right? Even if it's uh if it is that that constructive feedback, right? It's it's helping someone out. And I know you mentioned that the person is better off. I think maybe they just have a better mindset to be. Which they're yes, yeah. And so I think that's that's really neat to see that is that is out there.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

And I'm I'm totally like I have no idea what is going on in this person's head, no clue whatsoever. I guess the fantasy side of my brain is kind of like I just feel like because he gained something so valuable from this that he hopefully will pass that on. Like he'll push that forward. Like, so maybe the next time he's putzing on Reddit and he sees that somebody posts something similar, maybe it's six months from now, two years from now, five years from now, whatever, and somebody does that, it would be really cool to know, or at least think and believe that he will have a hand in giving somebody else the opportunity that somebody gave him. Yeah, I I just yeah, and and one of the things I want to make sure I stress before we we patch this up, and that is I know we've talked about networking before. I do actually look at these as two very distinctly different things. Um, where a community is you're trying to find a group of individuals, where networking is you're connecting one-on-one and and trying to get a better familiarity with individuals, which then ultimately over time turns into a community, which is wonderful. But I I wanted to make sure I stress that because I didn't want somebody being like, you guys have already talked about networking, like you guys are lame. No, this in my head anyway, I view it as a very different entity, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

Yeah, no, I mean I think if you're if you're at in a let's say a networking event where it's maybe some sort of training or topic that you're all familiar with and you can kind of yeah, have those conversations that way. But yes, to it's I think the the community side of it is again a group of like-minded yeah people that that feel passionate the same way about whether it's their favorite band, yeah, their how much they it could be the Harry Potter community.

SPEAKER_02 49:59

Um yeah, I see what you're going with. But you know, it kind of yeah, well, funny you say about the Harry Potter thing, because one of the things that was popping in my head constantly is like your comic cons. Like, I don't know about you, but like I remember distinctly like growing up 80s, 90s, like that was that was nerdy, right? Like, oh, you read comics, like oh, you're kind of a nerd, and now it's so mainstream, like, but I think people just kind of decided they weren't going to let the naysayers dictate their fun. And they're like, you know what, man? Screw off. I like this, and so be it. I am going to enjoy. I'm gonna dress up like Thor, and I don't care what you say. They have them in Milwaukee every year.

SPEAKER_01 50:49

Oh, god, yeah. Yeah, like you you know you always are fleek ends because you walking around the uh it's now called the Baird Center, but the big convention center. Oh, okay, yeah. It's you can see people coming and going from the event because they're dressed as their favorite, we'll say characters. Yeah, it's fun, it's fun to see just like you know, people again, you give zero F's, and it's important to give zero F's because you have to live your own life and shouldn't really care what other people think about you, and except for our faces, our faces, yeah. Well, we gotta care about that. We got well, we got kicked out of the comic con. Everything else is acceptable except our our mugs.

SPEAKER_02 51:34

Yeah. No, and I I interrupted you, I'm sorry, because you were absolutely right, though. Like, just own it, be who you are, find your people, find your community. Promise, just like Patrick said too, like the benefits are so well worth it. So do yourself a favor, just try to find those folks out there. Patrick. Do you know who gave us the wrong kind of glow-up? Possibly Agrid.

SPEAKER_01 52:07

Oh no, sorry. So Baldaruski. Nope. Spinnerouski.

SPEAKER_02 52:16

Woo! It sure is, man. All right, folks. While Mr. Patrick fires up the wheel, a reminder for our new listeners. Each episode we spin the spinneruski to wheel of names that might might be the keyword, belong to the woman who so generously shoved Mr. Patrick and I into the ugly club all those years ago. And the goal of this is that eventually we'll land on her name and thank her properly. Mr. Patrick. We ready?

SPEAKER_01 52:46

Yeah. We're ready.

SPEAKER_00 52:48

Spin that roosky.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

I got a feeling about this one.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

Josephine. Whoa. I heard Joe and I was like, I mean, maybe Josephine, which is so interesting because that is the feminine version of uh the same reason why we have been forced into the ugly club. The the target of Allure was our friend Mr. Joe. So Josephine, how odd would that have been? A Joe Josephine relationship? That's crazy. Get it out of here. I don't know if I enjoy this one.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

I don't know if I enjoy this one. I almost I almost don't want to say thanks for anything to this Josephine. Fine. Josephine. I don't know if I want to say you're a delight, but what I will say is that you've lived rent-free in our heads for so long, and we thank you for pushing us into the ugly club. There I said it. That's as far as I'm going. That's as far as I'm going.

SPEAKER_01 54:11

Josephine, appreciate your existence and your strong forearms and biceps.

SPEAKER_02 54:18

And if if your name is Josephine, feel free to uh comment on how wrong we are about our opinions of you. And then I'm gonna respond. I'm gonna respond and say, I think you're a meanie head. Anyway, should we continue on this?

SPEAKER_01 54:40

Yes. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 54:41

Do you uh you have a shout-out for us, my good sir?

SPEAKER_01 54:44

I'm gonna defer to you first for the shout-out, Steve. Likely story.

SPEAKER_02 54:51

All right. So I would like to give a shout out to Sarah Valentine. Now, some of you might recognize that name because she was a guest of ours on this podcast. But next week, Mr. Patrick and I will be appearing on her podcast as a duo, the Heart Leadership Podcast. So we'll give an update when it's officially live and all that kind of good stuff. But we look, I don't know, I look forward to hanging out with Sarah, and it's gonna be interesting being the one that's on the hot seat rather than the driver's seat. I get well, I don't know if I don't know if we ever really feel like we're in control, but you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 55:41

Well, you are like the expert as a guest. You have been popping up all over the internet on these podcasts the last few months. So I've got some brushing up to do on my guest skills. It's been a little bit. I think I was on two earlier this year in January, December, January-ish. I know I was on Melissa's, we had her as a guest, so I was on her podcast and I was on another gentleman's podcast. Uh, I think it was late last year. Early January, maybe. But um, I'm really looking forward to it. And actually, that was my shout-out as well. I didn't want to steal your thunder when you told me that you were gonna have Sarah be your shout-out. I thought that was actually a really good idea. And so I want to also sing thank Sarah for the opportunity. We're looking forward to that conversation.

SPEAKER_02 56:32

Uh well, my I do have one other shout-out. This one's fast, though. Uh, Rain. Rain. Rain is my other shout-out. Thank you, Rain, for making an appearance. Uh, my somewhat disgusting looking yard appreciates it.

SPEAKER_01 56:47

Oh, I thought you were telling everyone that Rain Wilson was going to be our guest next week.

SPEAKER_02 56:53

Also, friend of the show.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

Yeah. We've got a shout-out on Instagram, I think.

SPEAKER_02 56:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:00

Oh no, he was just talking about things that were gross.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

These statements have not been proven positive or negative. All right, man. Should we lock this up? Locked and loaded. All right. Folks, thank you again so much for joining us this week. But that is all we have. Unless you want to sponsor us, and then we'll give you some like additional content. But until then, thank you so much. All right, man. Let's do this. Thanks, Ugos. We appreciate you. We love you, and we'll see you next time. Ready?

SPEAKER_00 57:40

Uh, I'm gonna pause for one second.

SPEAKER_01 58:25

I have to get my charger.

SPEAKER_02 58:27

Everybody, let's wait for Patrick taking his time. Yep. Oh, look at me. I'm I'm Patrick. Oh. Oh, yeah, I'm such a big deal. Can't wait for you to listen to this and edit. Oh hey, bud, what's up? I uh I can't wait for you to edit this episode, and you can hear what I was whispering into the microphone here.