They Came for the Chat: Melissa McGovern Interview!

In this episode of Grossly Competent, Patrick introduces Steve to a super special guest, the Sober New Yorker herself, Melissa McGovern!

*Fan fare erupts everywhere

That's right, folks! Strap in as Melissa enlightens the boys on her journey to becoming a success coach, sobriety advocate, and podcast host, and embarasser of teenage children.

Discover how sobriety transformed her personal and professional life, and get practical tips on alcohol-free living, coaching, and building a brand around authenticity. And dance; we can't forget about dance.

Follow Melissa in all her endeavors!

• The Sober New Yorker on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thesobernewyorker/
• The Sober New Yorker website https://thesobernewyorker.com/
• The Sober New Yorker Podcast https://thesobernewyorker.com/podcast

Come for the chat, stay for the laughs, run from our faces: we're Grossly Competent.

Hey friends, we love doing this, and if you like what you’re hearing and want to support the show, here are the best ways possible: 

• Give a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcasts,
• Visit us on Buzzsprout at grosslycompetent.buzzsprout.com. 
• Give us a shout on Instagram @grosslycompetent

We appreciate you for listening!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Hello and welcome to Grossly Competent, the learning, development, and adulting podcast that does not claim to be pretty. But we will happily pretend to be slightly competent. I'm your host, Steve Council, and I'm joined by my co-host, a man whose confidence far outkicks his looks, Mr. Patrick Ailshire.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Well, thank you, good sir. Steve, I have noticed that your brain is basically 12 browser tabs open, and one of them is playing music.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

That's actually not that far-fetched from what my browsers looked like just today, as a matter of fact. So, right you are, Mr. Patrick. Uh, folks, uh let's just cut to the chase here, guys. We have an incredible episode lined up for all of your auditory senses, but first, Mr. Patrick. Listeners demand to know who is our sponsor of the week.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

This show is brought to you by walking into a room and forgetting why. Your brain had a plan. Your body arrived too early. Walking into a room and forgetting why. Buffering in real life.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Story of my life. Big walking into a room and forgetting why. Thank you. Thank you so much for being such an amazing sponsor. Uh, your check is also buffering in real life. So uh just you know, hold out, hold out hope.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

We'll see if that comes your way eventually. And uh, listeners, as if you are new to the podcast, just a quick refresher. Majority of podcasts that do have sponsors are the sponsors are paying in for that advertising. How it works at Grocery Cometant is we actually have to pay our sponsors to come on the show. So you know, it's it's one of those things. I blame it on our faces. Yeah, that's mostly true. Mostly true. Steve, you said it just a minute ago, but I am fairly super pumped, excited because we've got a spectacular episode lined up, as you said. Listeners, Steve and I once again have an opportunity to pretty up the joint. No thanks to either of our ugly mugs. No, in fact, we've got ourselves a guest appearance yet again.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Hailing from the greatest city in the world, a five-time U4 coaching academy graduate, including mindset coaching, alcohol free life coach, success coach, NLP practitioner, and hypnosis practitioner. Wow, really? She is a mom, wife, and public speaker.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

In addition, she hosts a podcast called The Sober New Yorker, has taken up dance, and most recently hosted a sober retreat with another rock star, sober influencer, also based out of New York City. Without further ado, I'd love to welcome our next guest, Melissa McGovern.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Oh, wow. Hi guys, I'm so happy to be here. I'm I'm I'm really disappointed that you don't record the video version because I really feel like I could give you a boost in that department.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Yes, we are uh it's it's it's it's uh it's a um we we tried to do video and Apple, Amazon, Spotify, you name it, we're like, Yeah, not not good enough.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

You have a you have a you have a face for radio.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yes. Very well said. It's not the first time I've heard that, and it's certainly not the last.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

I've always loved that phrase. You know, kids, I remember my kids are older now, but saying stuff like that around kids, and it's just like, what does she mean? Face for radio. It's it's a good joke. It's a good joke.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Usually when my kid I look at my kids, they just start crying. And I'm trying to really figure that out.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

A few years.

unknown 4:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Hey, have you seen a I don't have kids, but have you seen a dog cry? It happens.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Um, I mean, I've seen a dog with really sad eyes. Yeah. I'm sure it does happen. I'm sure it does. Because dogs are spoiled little brats, you know. They don't get what they want. They cry, I'm sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Patrick, are you off to the side on those commercials that Sarah McLaughlin's always in? Like, I always try to figure out how they get those like perfectly executed almost tears for like some of those dogs. Yeah, yeah. AI problems of the angels. I can't watch those.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Those are so sad.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

They really are. You're not kidding. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Great marketing, but it's great to be here with you guys. This should be fun. Looking forward to it.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tamper your expectations.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

All right. Let's not get ahead of myself.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Well, we were talking about this before we hit record, and I was telling Melissa that I'm really excited. Uh, folks, when Patrick had told me that Melissa would be interested in being the show, I was like, I'd heard really great things from Patrick, and I made it a conscious effort to go, okay, I'm gonna look up nothing because I like to be prepared. So I thought it'd be fun to learn and experience everything along with you. So, with that, I'm gonna ask you the most generic question on the planet so you take it as you see fit, and that is tell us about yourself. Like, just what is so generic? Tell us the no, it is, but like just you know what uh tell us a little bit, like what's your what's your um elevator pitch, if you will? Like what what is it, what makes you you?

SPEAKER_02 6:31

Well, at least you didn't ask, what do you do? You know, that's such an American that really like you know, it's so American that that question. So what do you do? And I found the greatest response to that, whatever it takes. Oh, wow. Whatever it takes. Wow, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

I've used that in an I've used that in an interview and it didn't go well.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Yeah, well, that's it.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Oddly, I said the bare minimum. Like whatever I can skate by with, and they're like, this guy is management material, like this guy. Woo.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

But you know, how like a better question is what do you do for fun? What sparks joy in your life? What lights you up? You know, I think that. But okay for me, but in general, you know, I am a mom, a wife, a New Yorker, a coach, a retreat host, um, a podcaster, a speaker, you know, I'm all these things. And and so many parts of my life are are joyful right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

That's that's awesome. I I actually noted as I was reading your intro, which full disclosure, Mr. Patrick was so gracious because I didn't want to learn anything prior. He's the one that wrote my bit. Okay, so when I stopped and went, really, I that was genuine. That was genuine. I'm curious, and I'm probably getting ahead, Patrick. So forgive me. My my curiosity cannot be quelled. Um, I'm curious about some of these accolades here. Like the one that drew me out was the uh hypnosis practitioner. Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

What led you down that path? So it's a little deceiving. I mean, the the coaching the coaching certification that I did was a five module, and that was one of the modules. Oh and we can't say uh we have to say practitioner and not um what's the other word? Like therapist or or I that's not that's not it. But we it's basically and I have not practiced it on any clients, FYI. I I I am more mindset success alcohol-free. Um NLP, it deals with your brain constantly changing, neurolinguistic pro programming. But you know, the the yeah, the hypnotic one is really just about putting people into a comforting, deep relaxation place in their in their life and or in a session. And I think I could do that at some point. I would love to explore that because I do have a voice that tends to be that way, and that you know, just but but it's not like I'm not dangling, you know, a uh dang it a pendulum in front of someone. Yeah, right. Like in middle school, kind of hoping, you know. I remember in middle school, um uh in Sheboygan Falls. Can you hear me? Did that go on? Yeah, okay. Yes, in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin, they brought in uh uh a guy like that, a hypnotic magician. And you know, he had people like barking like dogs on the stage, and it was total bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

It was complete bullshit.

SPEAKER_03 9:53

What?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yeah, you heard it here, folks, for the first time ever. Dunk.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

I did not believe it. And you know, it gave those those fools in that needed that. I don't I was not on stage. I'm pretty sure I was not on stage for that, but you know, some of those kids that want to go up on stage and do that, and then act like a clown or or a dog in this in this case, and then you know, be known for that the rest of the day or week or year. So I no, it's not like that. It's really more of a um, let's get comfortable and let me walk you somewhere. And yeah, but I uh really cool. It's not really part of my practice yet.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

That's totally get that. I understand that. I I feel like it interrupted. I I just that one drew me out. I I couldn't help myself.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

I had to ask. But but then I have friends that are, you know, have quit smoking because of something like that. You know, um, it's a real thing. And you know, so oftentimes it's like, can you quit drinking? Can I put you in a in a deep hypnotic state and tell you how much alcohol sucks for you? I mean, I probably could, but I don't have any money-back guarantees.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Well then, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 11:12

It's gonna take a lot more than that. Let's just say that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

You raised a really interesting point earlier about how we gave you such a broad question, right? And and maybe because we're talking about um your coaching background, would you mind kind of walking me through that? Um, just like what got you into that? What what was the interest level and what was the uh the tipping point perhaps of what led you down that path?

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Sure. Well, I was always the woman, the person, the friend that people would call when they needed advice. Always. I mean, I have been in the labor delivery room seeing both of my nieces born because my sister-in-law was freaking out, and you know, I'm the calm one to come in and you know, uh I'm just that person. I've always been that person. But when I was still drinking, it was kind of uh a sham for me inside because I was not taking care of myself, I was not giving my own advice. So once I removed the alcohol from my life, I thought, holy shit, like I can now take this to the next level. And I really felt a pull to help people, you know, coach them into this this life for themselves. And so about two months after I quit drinking, I I found this certification program and I I signed up and I and I just kind of went for it. And I've been coaching for about a year and a half, and I'm I'm very successful with it. So it's it's really, yeah, it's a it's a it's a great job. And I uh, you know, it's hard. It's a hard job getting uh, you know, people it's not easy always for, you know, it's not a straight line, it's lot a lot, it's nonlinear. So um, but it really fulfills me. And it's when you see people succeed and you know that you have been a part of that, it's it's pretty incredible.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

What's really fascinating about that, Melissa, is that you made a pretty quick pivot. You you stopped drinking, and within a couple of months, you were like, I'm going for it. I mean, it I think that having and something I've noticed in my own sobriety of having these ideas just start to come to you. And while I may have waited a little over a year to start my own business, it's still, I think, fairly quickly, it was starting to kind of come around in my mind, you know, at some point, and I didn't want to hold back. I wanted just to kind of go after it. So it's it's really, really cool that you were able to have this idea in mind and just go right after it.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Yeah, I had the idea earlier. I had the idea in the pandemic when I was alcohol free for no, I'm sorry, before the pandemic, I was alcohol free for about four months, and something popped up on my radar about coaching. And I remember because it was early March 2020, and I met with this guy on Zoom. He was like, Sure, what is Zoom? What the hell is Zoom? No, and I had I said to my husband, uh, it's like um Skype. No, not quite. Um, so that was my first Zoom meeting with this alcohol-free coach with uh This Naked Mind was the the coaching program. And you know, I met with this guy, and and I wasn't as um rooted in my decision to do this yet. So I I have a really strong gut, and I ended up not committing to the program. And then the pandemic happened like literally a week later, and I was kind of glad I didn't because I then I started drinking again. Uh shocking news uh in the pandemic. Um so I, you know, it was always kind of there in the back of my head. So this last time, you know, it'll be three years this summer, um, when it happened, and I was listening to a podcast and that coaching thing came up again. Someone was referring to this program, and I and I thought, I'm gonna, you know, I think I can do this thing. So yeah, uh it it was marinating in there for for a little while, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

So what's a what's a day in the like? So your coaching business, um, correct me if I'm wrong, is the sober New Yorker.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Correct. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Okay, and so what's a what's a day in the life like? I mean, you were meeting with people virtually, do you have people in person? How does that what's a what's your typical day like?

SPEAKER_02 15:52

For the most part, it is virtually on Zoom. I do have a handful of New York clients, but you know, people are so used to Zoom. Yeah, they are they, you know, if they're working from home, they can turn on their camera and do it right there. So I I just signed a new brand new New York client, and I'm I've told her, I you know, I'm hoping we can have some some sessions in person because that would ultimately be uh uh uh incredible because I'm I love how I can get through to someone on Zoom, but in person, forget about it.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Right. We well, Steve and I say that all the time with training. When we're facilitating a training, virtual training, we can do it. It's okay, but when you're in a room full of people, you can feed the energy, the it is I feel like there's just even more of a buy-in at times when you have that in-person conversation.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Absolutely. And I'm one of these people that loves in-person experiences, and I just you know, I feed off of it. I'm an I'm an extrovert and I get energy from from being in person with people. So um, so I'm hoping that more of that is in my future, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

You you took the words right out of my mouth, actually, of the uh the energy that is in a room. Um, that you you do not get that with Zoom. Not to say that there's anything wrong with Riverside FM and their podcasting capabilities, my goodness. But you are right, like there really is something special about being able to interact physically in the same space. It's I there's almost a guarding with that digital sense, like that. It's kind of like when you're watching something that you recorded live, it doesn't have the same feel as when you were present. Absolutely. So I I completely get where you're coming from.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

How long did it take you to come up with the sober New Yorker? So it it's a great story.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

I I you know, I was I was about five months alcohol free. It was January of 24. It was very early in the morning, very cold in New York. I was on my way to uh my daughter was competing in a track meet, indoor track meet that day in Staten Island. She was a runner in college, D1 runner. And I had been thinking about I had all these different names and and I just typed it in to Instagram. It seemed to be available, and so I kind of started a little bio, like I put my picture there, but I don't I don't know if I had a bio or anything, and and and I was like, uh, uh I'll just deal with this later. A couple hours later, a friend texted me and she said, Is this you? Because what I didn't realize is that you can't just start a a a um what's it called?

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Uh profile.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Yeah, a profile and and then leave it there. You it because it will go to the people you know, I had a personal Instagram, right? So it will go to people as people you may know. Yep. And and she texted me and she took a screenshot, and I was like, oh shit. I said, Yep, that's me. I started it and I and I haven't finished it. And I told her how, you know, I'm almost five months alcohol free, blah, blah, blah. And she ironically knew about my journey beforehand and had kind of like been a supporter of mine. And so it was kismet in that way. And I said, Do you want to be my first follower? And she was. She was my first follower. But then it popped up. We were at the track meet, we were in the car, and my son, who was like 16 at the time, he's he's checking his phone. He's like, Mom, is this you?

SPEAKER_01 20:00

You don't need to connect with me. We're good. We're all right, we're good.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

But just as me, you know, the sober New Yorker, and you know, the eye roll you could feel like of course, yeah, all the way down to Staten Island. But that's how it started, you know.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Don't be cringe, mom.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Oh, yeah, I'm super cringe. I mean, forget about it. They had no idea what was coming. I mean, the cringe factor, yeah, is is definitely high as far as you know, my kids go. Um, but you know, it was it was a it was a handle that was available. And I just, you know, because for me, I was like, should it be alcohol free? Should it be sober? You know, sometimes when we remove alcohol, we get stuck in those labels. Like sober means you you really had a big fucking problem. And yeah, you know, um, what are people gonna think of me? And so when people ask that, I'm like, it's available and it sounded good. The sober New Yorker sounds a little better than the alcohol-free New Yorker, you know?

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Yes, agree.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

So I just went with it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

That's I love that. Sometimes I'm a firm believer of this. Sometimes I feel like that your life and the universe, whatever you want to refer to it as, just has a way of pointing you in a specific direction. Uh, we've talked about that. Patrick and I have talked about this before, that you have to be open for opportunity or order for opportunity to be open to you. And it sounds like you kind of saw that went, hell yeah, let's do this. This this is exactly what I'm looking for.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Let's do it. And you know, and then the domain was available and the podcast was available, and it's just kind of and I'm actually in in um trademark, I'm uh in the process of trademarking it. So that's pretty exciting. Yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

That's super cool. That's awesome. So, podcast, you just mentioned it. Um, can you tell us a little bit about it? Like what got you started? With that, I mean I I assume it was kind of uh an offshoot part of your journey with Instagram and just just trying to build a following. Like what was it?

SPEAKER_02 22:09

I don't, you know, for me it was always something in the back of my head that I thought because for podcasts for me, sober podcasts were one of the first things that I listened to to get through each day trying not to drink. And it's a very, you know, that and sober Instagram, sober podcasts, sober Instagram, people dial into, and it really helps to hear other stories that you can relate to. It shows you you're not alone, that you don't have it all figured out, and neither do a lot of other people. And then they get there, you know. So, and I have always really loved to talk to people. I've always really loved an interview type situation. I'm very curious about people. And um, uh a mentor of mine, Brad McLeod, over at uh sober motivation podcast, was doing a boot camp, like a four-week boot camp. And I said, I want in. I I want to do this, I'm gonna do this. I've I talk about universe. I took that as a sign because I wasn't gonna learn something like that on my own, but I did this four-week class. There were eight of us, maybe, and I am the only one doing a podcast. Oh, cool. You know, there there was there were two other women that started, but they haven't left off. And you guys know podcasting is a patient long-term thing, you know. Um, if you really want to get people to listen, you just have to stay consistent. That you don't have to beat out your competitor, you just have to be consistent and kind of beat out yourself. So I'm I'm almost up to a hundred episodes. It'll be two years in June. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

That is awesome.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

And now it's leading to it's leading to clients, it's leading to, you know, people that want to come on my retreats. It's like, but it, but you have to be patient with it. You really do. And if you do it as a labor of love, like I did, you know, although I should get some sponsors like you have. That's uh, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We uh we handcraft each and every and by we I mean Patrick handcrafts.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

It's great, it's great. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

And uh you have to have fun with it. I mean the fact that, like, okay. It in that day will come at some point where we we will have uh actual sponsors.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

However, until then, you know, I love what you're doing. I think it's really hilarious, and and I'm a big fan of that sponsor that you mentioned at the top. It happens to me all the time walking into a room and not knowing while I'm why I'm there. Yeah, yeah. And I'm older than you guys, just wait, just wait. It just gets better, trust me. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

We have some pretty pretty uh interesting sponsors that come on. We had the one a couple weeks ago about what was it, uh standing over the sink eating cheese.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Yeah, it was something to do with the Sunday night scaries. Like, is it Sunday night already?

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

I uh Patrick, I actually I had a friend of mine reach out and say, like, uh that one really resonated with me. Like it's funny. I will get people to reach out and tell me like it's the that advertisement, right? Of right, oh that one really struck a nerve. That one.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

And last week was last week's was a good one. It was uh 2 a.m. thoughts, laying in bed.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

2 a.m. thoughts, yeah. Why did I say that?

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Ten years ago, ten minutes ago.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Right, right, right. Random things that wake you up and make you think, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

And they always play back in like 4K resolution, right? Like, what? Come on, no, is that Dolby?

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Like, jeez.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Yeah, that's hilarious. I can't help when I'm hearing you talk about all these different things. I I really just love that what you say and what you're saying right now, uh people are gonna be like, oh my god, Steve, get off your soapbox. But it is it's so genuine, and I appreciate it. Like, I I love that you're like, I I it was available and I just kind of went with it. Like, I love that that it's just authentically you. So I know we're only midway through, maybe, but I just really wanted to make it a point to say I really appreciate that. So thank you. Oh, thank you. I really do.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

Listen, you're welcome. First of all, I don't know if that's an indication of what the other guests are on your show.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Oh no, we're we usually make fun of LinkedIn people and just we talk about this.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Yeah, I'm not uh I mean I am on LinkedIn, but not really. I don't really do much on it.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Yeah, we we really talk mostly about this authenticity in professionalism of just it's okay if you don't know everything. Um you gotta sometimes pump the brakes and just say, I need help. Um so with that, I always make it a point that I like to call that out when I see it.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

So thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, I get that a lot from you know, from the the people that I I coach with. And you know, they say, I've heard you on the podcast, and now you're here in Zoom life, and you're exactly the same. Like, well, yeah. I and I always say I don't know what else I would be, but I get it. I get how people can take on errors and be pretentious, and you know, honestly, like I think that has a lot to do with how I was raised, and I think that has a lot to do with being raised in Wisconsin. I really do.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Yeah, I really do. Shout out for Wisco!

SPEAKER_02 28:15

I mean, you know, because they were they're just really good people for the most part, and you know, uh and being raised in a family that wanted me and gave me values and you know supported me, like you're winning the lottery if you're if you've got that. And if you can then make it part of your identity and put it out into the world as well, it's like uh you know, I I share those gifts, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Share them.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

So true. Yeah, so Melissa, how has sobriety allowed you to grow not only personally but professionally?

SPEAKER_02 28:55

Well, I'm I'm I've got my own business. In fact, I've you know, Rachel and I, you mentioned her a little bit at the top of the hour. We've got a retreat business that we're we're getting an LLC for. I mean, we're here's the thing like if you in my you know for my case and Patrick as well. Patrick has been on my podcast, it was amazing. We recorded it, and I was like, I gotta put this out right away. No cue for you, buddy. You're you're you're going to the front of the line. Nice. But you know, um, it it you move this one thing out of your life that was taking up so much space. And I'm not talking about just drinking, but thinking about drinking, drinking, recovering from drinking. Oh my God, recovering from drinking can last days, weeks. So once you move that out, you you open yourself up to so many more opportunities. And uh who knows what there those are gonna be. Honestly. Two years ago I had this idea to do a New York City retreat, and we just finished our first one a few weeks ago and knocked it out of the park. Um, you know, I I I didn't know that even was a thing when I first got sober that you could go on a retreat with other badass women and rock it, you know, um, especially in a city like New York that, you know, people love to come here and drink. I mean, so um it it's just professionally opened up. I feel, you know, my kids used to ask me when, because I was a stay-at-home mom for most of my kids' lives. And my son used to ask me, Mom, what are you gonna do when you grow up? And I remember thinking, well, A, I am pretty damn grown. But um, you know, it was just his way of thinking, like, is this all you do that you're a mom? And of course I would tell him that and remind him it was the hardest job in the world. Oh, yeah. But but now, I mean, you know, my husband, it's interesting, like he's approaching 60. Retirement is on his mind, but I'm just getting started. I'm literally just getting started. I don't even think about um ending what I am doing. I just think about growing it. And that wasn't there before. That just wasn't there while I was drinking.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

That's that's a great answer. I really like what you said because I've also said sim to uh similarly to other people when just in conversation, not a uh, hey, you need to stop drinking, of uh asking when they were asking me about what's it like not drinking and talking about the time that I've gotten back. It's not just the three, four hours sitting at a bar when I could be doing something else, it's the thinking about going out. Do I want to go out? Maybe I shouldn't. Should I drink this weekend? Maybe not, maybe tomorrow. And then the recovery part too. It's just a whole it's it those minutes, those hours add up. Yeah. And it's giving me so much. I mean, let's just say I I my business wasn't on zero-proof pass, right? It wasn't about a uh passport that gives any drink specials. There's no way I would have come up with another business if I hadn't stopped drinking. I just I wouldn't have the bandwidth, I wouldn't have the time because I'd be for me personally, I'd be so focused on going out that weekend or doing this and recovering and right, right.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

And a lot of people are like that, you know, and and you know, I'm not here to judge, but I just know that and and I've seen it in my husband too. I mean, he was not a as big of a drinker as I was, but he he drank and he stopped when I did. He stopped a little while after I did, and his growth um personally, professionally, has just been exponential. And he feels so good, and he's you know, 59 going on 40. Well, it's not that kind of podcast. We'll save that for another time.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

No, no, no. I'm actually pleased.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

Like we can we can just that's a different sponsor.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

We are an adulting podcast too, and we'll we'll take the listens. It's okay. We're already listed as explicit on Apple Podcasts, so it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:24

Oh, you guys are funny. Anyway, it's um, yeah, it it's it's all good. It's all good. It's uh once you've had a glimpse of it on the other side, you can't even believe, yeah, you know, that that that it was going on for as long as it was. Uh, you don't beat yourself up about it, you're doing the best you could, but no one ever wakes up in the morning and says, damn, I wish I would have drank last night. I just don't.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

So true. Or uh, I'm so glad I had those shots.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

Right. Right. Yeah, yeah. I love tequila.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

And it loves me. It's why it's trying to escape. Yeah. So this actually is a weird segue, but I'm wildly curious. Um, so I I'm the only one of these three that has not taken the NA plunge yet. Um just I So you're the one. Yeah. I'm I'm just glad you can't smell my breath right now.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Yeah, you and me both, Steve.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

Because uh I don't know if you know this or not, but what are you drinking? You can hear that uh this is ice cold water. That's it was that was anticlimate.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

I've got a uh I've got an athletic.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

Yeah, I see yours, Patrick.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

So I'm curious, I love your recommendation. I've already received one from Patrick and I tried it and I I highly enjoyed it. Um, what is your go-to NA beverage of choice? Like, what would you recommend to a schmuck like me, and you're trying to say, hey, give this a whirl?

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Well, if you're out at a bar or a restaurant and you want to feel a little fancy, I usually do uh club soda with a splash of grapefruit and a lime in a wine glass. Because here's the thing, guys. Just because it doesn't have alcohol in it doesn't mean it should not be in a fancy glass. Of course. And you know, and this is what I I tell my clients too. And when the waiter comes around and says, What would you like to drink? Oh, I can't drink. Bullshit, you can drink. Put that Diet Coke in a wine glass if you want, you know. Um, so I love seltzers with a touch of fruit juice. Tart cherry juice is also really good, especially if you're having like a sweet craving. I mean, I'm which is very common when you remove the booze. Um, but as far as NA, I really love the brand Amethyst. They make it's like a spirit-free. Yeah. Um it's clear, but it's flavored. There's a a blueberry ginger that is so good. It's because it has that bite. And you know, when you're not drinking alcohol, uh the sweets, you know, the juices and things um it just are not appealing. They're too sweet. But if it has a bite of some kind, so I will actually have that on the rocks because that's how crazy I am. But some people have it with um a little seltzer, or I've seen it on a menu. It's from South Carolina. Uh, my son is down in Charleston in school, and I've seen it at a burger joint. I love seeing a mock tail like that at a burger joint. Um, but it's with lemonade, so it has a little bit of sweet tart, but also has that bite. Amethyst spirits. They make like four different flavors. My favorite is blueberry ginger. It's it's delicious.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

Speaking of sponsors, amethyst, um, just you know, just putting it out there, just saying.

SPEAKER_00 37:15

Yeah, well, that's there's a a part that's true. What you said, Melissa, about wanting to kind of try to uh recreate the feeling of alcohol or the taste. And so when I was this is a few years ago, I was down, um, it's this bar is no longer open, but it was a sober bar down in down in Racine. And I was uh going there and I had I was familiar with this uh NA bourbon brand called Kentucky 74. So they do it's essentially like replacing like your rum and coke, uh Steve, or your Jack and Coke. So you could order that uh mix with like Diet Coke or whatever or regular Coke. And the uh owner was there and he said, Do you want a a little a little splash of this like liquid heat? And I'm I was not familiar with what do you what do you mean? He goes, Oh, well, like a lot of people come in and they want the replication of like the burn when you're having a sip of whiskey or bourbon and you get that little like burn. So he had um this disco inferno, which is liquid heat, you know, comes in those little little small little bottles you can get at liquor stores, and you put one or two drops in. And so when I was having this this rum and coke, it was I could feel that the little burn. I was like, oh my god, it it feels like you know, the alcohol now. Someone who maybe is in recovery or that's a little bit too much, maybe not recommend that, but for someone that you know, I didn't have the dependency, I just wanted to have something that tastes like alcohol without the buzz. I thought that was super cool.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Yeah, that is cool. I haven't heard of that.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

No, um, I just wanted to try it.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

That sounds awesome.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Yeah, it does sound awesome.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

So, Melissa, I have to ask, why is this is like such a rhetorical question because I already know. Oh, I know you're gonna ask. Why is New York City the greatest city in the world?

SPEAKER_02 39:09

Oh Patrick, Steve, how much time do you have? Seriously, how long is this podcast? Uh I loved, I loved that question on the on the list you gave me another time. Oh my god. I mean, and I know how much you love New York because we talked about it on my podcast. Here's the thing about New York there is are every kind of person you can imagine lives in New York. I'm talking race, socioeconomic, um, you know, cat collector, you know, whatever. Like every single kind of person lives in New York and they have people there, right? They find their people. And yet we all as a community have to figure it out on a daily basis, how to live in this huge metropolis together, how to live together on the train, how to live together on the packed sidewalks, how to live together at the theater, how to live together everywhere, literally, because you never know what you're gonna encounter in New York when you leave your house. You just don't. You could you could have some you could have a plan, but something's gonna go, you know, sideways, most likely. And it might be really good. It might be really good. I mean, I've I've you know, and I've had incredible conversations with strangers. I've I mean, I just I just love it. I just have absolutely loved it since the day I got there. I always knew I wanted to live in a bigger city. I thought it was Chicago when I was nine years old because I didn't even know about New York living in Wisconsin. I'm going to Chicago. I swear to God, I wrote that in my little journal. I'm going to the Art Institute of Chicago to be a to be an artist. You know, I had that, I was a whole artist as a kid. And um New York is just it's electric. And but it's also, you know, you it's tough. It can be really tough too. So towards the end of my drinking career, I was, you know, escaping it. I was sitting in my living room, busting open my wine. I had my party fridge right behind me. I could practically reach around the corner and grab it, just to be shutting all of it out. And I was not taking full ad advantage of New York, not like I am now. And since quitting drinking, it has just been totally reborn in me, the city. And I love it more than ever, truly.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

That's incredible. I like what you said too about every day is a different adventure and not knowing what you're gonna expect. Because when I I live in Milwaukee, so those of you that aren't familiar, Milwaukee is about an eighth of a size population-wise, all right, of like of a Manhattan, okay. And again, and but Milwaukee also doesn't have the same amount of people as far as tourists go, okay. You get New York in New York, you not only have your actual people that are physically living there, but you have people visiting all day, every day.

SPEAKER_02 42:22

All the time.

SPEAKER_00 42:23

So going out as a as a New Yorker, I'm sure you just and you can spot who lives there and who who's a tourist.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

Like dimed, like, like, like this. Gosh, the other just the other night I was going to the theater, and you know, there's lots of scaffolding on buildings, and so it makes the passageway very narrow. This family of four decided to stop in the passageway to check direction. And I was right behind them. And it's moments like that where you have to remind yourself, okay, that's right. But literally, you can you can like run into when they stop that suddenly. And they did have the wherewithal to realize, oh wait, you know, everyone come up single file.

SPEAKER_03 43:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:15

But yeah, I mean, I have helped people on the subway when they all of a sudden the train goes express and and they weren't, they they didn't know. And so I'll I'll help them get to the next station, just tell them go up and down and under and around. And I mean, I'm I'm that person. If people are looking lost on a corner, I will often ask if they need help. That's the Wisconsin in me. That's your Midwest nice in Wisconsin. That is the Wisconsin girl in me. I mean, but yet I can be a New Yorker too, and like see some crazy person coming for me and oh no. We haven't met in real life, Patrick. I'm like six feet tall, and you know, um, that helps in that in that instance in New York.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

I'm from Wisconsin. I'm a farm girl. You're not gonna fuck with me.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

No. Way to represent.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

I'm doing the best I can out there.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

Really? That's that's good to know that there are you know fellow fellow Midwesterners that are representing us well.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

Yeah. I mean, I I also think it's important for to be a New Yorker to rep to to shed that image of rude New Yorkers, because we're not. We're you know, you will get really good New Yorkers that help you. Yeah, they might be from the Midwest, but you know, um, but to to and then to say welcome to New York. I mean, I just or people taking selfies, you know, a family of five taking a selfie. I'm like, give me your camera. This is ridiculous. Let me get you, let me get you running a photo.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

Thanks for the iPhone, right? Like welcome to New York! Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

Oh, that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

So if you see Melissa out on the sidewalking, she says, Let me take that picture for you. Maybe think twice. No, I'm kidding. I'm joking.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

You're joking. I got a whole locker full of cell phones. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

The P.O. box is like vibrating. Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:23

Like Walter White.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

He's walking around with a trench coat and just tuck one right in there.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

There we go.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

Hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 45:34

Um, what advice would you give to others who are considering possibly themselves even looking into you know, being sober curious, yeah, or even considering a life without alcohol? So it doesn't always just have to be like, hey, this is why you shouldn't drink, but maybe people that are I'm thinking about maybe cutting back or kind of uh reassessing my relationship with alcohol.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Definitely. I would say take a break. Take it, take a break. Don't even think about cutting back. Like cutting back to me, you know, that mental gymnastics of I'm only drinking Friday and Saturday. I'm gonna drink water in between each drink. You know, it it's it takes up just as much space in your brain as drinking, honestly. So give yourself a break. That's why I love months like January, dry January, dry July. People are doing sober October. Um, because you do get a really good idea about how amazing you can feel with just I remember the first time I took a three-week break. It was doctor mandated, ironically, because that's like part of my story. But three weeks over Labor Day weekend, and I thought, what? Don't doesn't she know I'm gonna be at a bonfire and party this weekend? But I did it, I did it, and I felt so good after three weeks. And that was really the first time I really started to become sober curious that if I if I feel good this this good after three weeks, what could happen after a month, after two months? And just try it on for size. That's what I say.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Thank you. Yeah, all right. I uh you are a wealth of adventures and opportunities and journeys, and I really appreciate that. I I love this. This is really cool. Um, I have to ask, what's next? What is what is the next thing on your list?

SPEAKER_02 47:37

Oh uh in general in life? Sure.

SPEAKER_01 47:41

Yeah, professionally, personally, any, all of it, none of it, whatever.

unknown 47:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:47

Well, professionally, we uh uh Rachel and I just launched our October sober October New York City retreat yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

Fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

Um, I don't know when you guys air these uh episodes how quickly, but we um, you know, it's a small intimate group of women, and you know, we're looking for 10 to 12 of them to come join us in October. That's just New York. We have really big plans for taking this other places. Really cool. You know, I love the idea of going to cities where drinking is a thing, and then not doing it, and not only not doing it, but just kicking ass not doing it. So I have my son lives in Charleston. Charleston's a great town, it's a big drinking town. I would love to take a group there. You know, we talk about Sedona. I talk about Italy and Paris. Like I'm I'm thinking really big. If you can go to Italy, have you guys ever been?

SPEAKER_00 48:48

I have not.

SPEAKER_01 48:49

Okay, no, I've had family that have gone. Yeah, I've gone to Olive Garden. Like the same, right?

SPEAKER_02 48:56

Does not count.

SPEAKER_01 48:57

No.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

Oh no, shocker, especially in Wisconsin. No. Um God, I loved Olive Garden though when I was poor. So did those salads and breadsticks all day long. Used to take breadsticks home. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

We are never gonna be sponsored by Olive Garden because I unfortunately hate Olive Garden with every fiber of my beef.

SPEAKER_03 49:21

It's so bad.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

And my it's so bad. My entire family loves it. My entire family loves it.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

God is just don't take them to Italy.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

Wretched.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

Don't don't take them. Take yourself to Italy. Anyway, but if you can if you can go to Italy and not imbibe, you know, yeah, that is pretty fucking badass. Let me just tell you. Because I I did it for my 25th anniversary with my husband. We went and they were giving us, you know, free champagne and want prosecco everywhere we went. And um, we politely said, no, thanks. We are non-drinkers. What can you make for us at the bar? And ironically, we sat on a rooftop in Rome of this hotel, and this bartender had an NA gin that he busted out. It wasn't even on the menu yet, but we never would have known about it if we hadn't asked told him we were non-drinkers. And it was beautiful, it was beautiful. So I have uh we have big plans to do, you know, these gatherings, these in-person retreats all over the place. That's that's my plan. Yeah. And to continue to coach and and really help people get out of their own way.

SPEAKER_00 50:37

Definitely gonna cross paths and work on some sort of collaboration at some point because I can see the zero-proof pass, you know, giving that to giving that to attendees of the uh of the retreats that are in cities that the pass exists and having you know, working on some sort of thing. Because that's my plan too. Like you said, if you can start a passport program, an NA passport program in a city like Milwaukee.

SPEAKER_02 51:04

Oh, you can do it anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Right.

SPEAKER_02 51:07

Um by the way, I just met sober Steph nurse. Steph Steph. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, very nice. At an event last week, and I was like, No Patrick, because you're a Milwaukee gal or Madison. Yeah, yeah, Milwaukee.

SPEAKER_03 51:22

Yeah, that's really cool.

SPEAKER_02 51:23

No, I I mean the you're right. If you can do it in in Milwaukee, in Wisconsin, you can do it anywhere. Uh absolutely. And I would love to have a retreat in Milwaukee, FYI. Um, I think that would be a lot of fun. Um, you know, in the summer, probably.

SPEAKER_00 51:38

Oh, of course, yeah. That's the time of not the winter. That's the that's the time to come here. When I do see people out occasionally that are visiting in like January, I will first ask them, not like how is it going? Um, why are you here now? Are you lost? Like, you have to come back in the summer. There's like, it's first of all, it's it's dark all day here. And two, like, you come back in the summer when there's something going on every weekend.

SPEAKER_01 52:08

Do you offer to take a picture of them too, Patrick?

SPEAKER_00 52:12

I do my own selfie.

unknown 52:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Remember the guy that yeah. Um if folks would like to get in touch with you, what's the best way possible? What's what are some avenues?

SPEAKER_02 52:28

Probably through Instagram, my The Sober New Yorker. And uh, you know, my website is also thesoberneworker.com. Um, and you can email me there too. And you know, uh, yeah, I have uh and my podcast even, if you leave a comment, I'll see it. And I'll, you know, I always like to answer back all my all my comments, definitely. But yeah, um, reach out on Instagram, follow on Instagram. There's a lot of good stuff happening there. We didn't even talk about the dancing. I know. We got that.

SPEAKER_00 53:00

We got there's dancing now? Yes. There's dancing. I brought it up in the introduction, and then we didn't get to ask about it.

SPEAKER_02 53:05

Okay, but yeah, I mean, one of the things that has opened up for me has been this dance class, this adult beginner dance class, although she's not even calling it beginner anymore because we've all grown so much taking it. And it's at this studio in Chinatown on Wednesday, Monday, Wednesday, some Saturday um afternoons. And it is so fun. It is so fun. And I I have some dance experience from years ago, but it has totally reignited in me. And, you know, putting myself in the front row, getting over things like imposter syndrome and kind of being like a a leader in the class for for my other dancers has been amazing. And you know, when you put yourself into these new circumstances, these new situations, and they don't know you as someone who drinks, it's really cool. It's really cool. They all follow me. There's some that listen listen to my podcast. They um, you know, they see me living a big life, and it's uh it's helping, it's helping them too. So yeah, follow along. There's some really good, there's some really fun ones. We're gonna get you dancing, Patrick, when you come to the that's the bonus content we keep talking about, Patrick. Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:29

Film of you.

SPEAKER_02 54:30

There aren't too many men that come, but when they do, they really um it's really amazing to see. Yeah, you couldn't pay my husband to go, but um, I'm there for him.

SPEAKER_01 54:41

You heard it here first. Patrick is going to go to this class and do some dancing, right? That's what you said. I that's why I heard something like that. I I heard it. I heard it's these working? I I hope so. Oh, that is awesome. Well, now I'm glad we talked about the dancing. I didn't even know about the dancing.

unknown 55:02

My God.

SPEAKER_01 55:05

See, there's there's too much to fit in such a small amount of space. So we're probably just gonna have to have you back on some other time.

SPEAKER_02 55:13

I mean, anytime. Uh this is fun. I've had a blast with you guys. Like usually usually it's a sober podcast, and it's like, oh, my story, you know, which I'm not discrediting, but it is kind of nice to just laugh about stupid shit. Yeah, and good shit.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

And that's what and that's what I love about this podcast because we don't take ourselves too seriously. We do, you know, majority of the time if we have a guest on, we're gonna we might talk about something in the learning development space if that's where they're working, but you know, having other guests on that we can tie into the adulting part, which is of you know the aut authenticity that we talked about before and living your life the way you want it based on your decision to stop drinking. And so I was like, this is gonna be a great tie-in to that. And I knew you know, I knew Steve that uh Steve would say, Yep, let's let's go with it. And so it's been it's been great to um it's been amazing.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

Thank you for having me. Really appreciate you guys.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

Yeah, the adulting bit of our podcast is is carrying a lot of weight. You know, like we say we're learning in development, but then we talk about some seriously random stuff for probably longer than the actual topic itself.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

Um it's always uh, what's on your mind? And then it just goes downhill from there. Oh, that's a very open question.

SPEAKER_01 56:32

Yeah, and it's always week to week, too. It's like, hey, so what's going on with you? It's like, so I got this message on LinkedIn, it's like, oh boy, strap in. Like, all right, we're gonna talk about this. Crack your knuckles, let's have this. But it's it's fun because as Patrick said, we don't take ourselves too seriously. But when we are just, I would imagine the same with you. When you are trying to relay some some real advice, you do take that part seriously. And you do represent yourself to be authentic, to be genuine, and as a caring individual, but not everything has to be so serious all the time. It's okay to go dancing in Chinatown for crying out loud. Like you can do that. What an awesome thing. That's so cool.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

I mean, that's that's one of the best parts about it. And I I have never really taken myself too seriously. So um, you know, of course, with clients, I yeah, we do take it seriously, but sure, I love to have fun and I love to laugh. And um, that hasn't changed since I've stopped drinking, you know what I mean? Except now I can remember what I was laughing about.

SPEAKER_01 57:41

Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, I mean, valid point. Absolutely. Isn't that the truth?

SPEAKER_02 57:49

Oh god, and I can remember those Packer games the next day, you know? Even when sometimes I don't want to. Oh boy, I haven't even touched on the Packers. I we're gonna make it this year.

SPEAKER_01 58:03

You heard it here first. Make what?

SPEAKER_02 58:06

Yeah, it you saw we're playing the Bears on Christmas Day. Make it happen, make it happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Bears. God.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

Oh my god. We we we don't need to kick them while they're down.

SPEAKER_02 58:19

It's it's I mean, listen, I'm still a fan. What are you gonna do? You know, but um it rolls off much easier when you're when I wasn't, you know, I'm not like pot throwing back beers the whole game, and then yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

Yeah, so Patrick. Yes, do you know who is always curious about their impact on two ugly guys with a podcast?

SPEAKER_00 58:45

I do. Uh Steve, it's a thing called the spinarouskey. You are correct, good sir.

SPEAKER_01 58:53

So, Melissa, and for all of you fine folks listening, uh, this is a kind of a reminder and review of what the spinarous key. Um, Mr. Patrick here is going to fire up a wheel of names. And each episode we spin that wheel with the intent of hopefully landing on the woman who so generously shoved Mr. Patrick and I into what we refer to as the Ugly Club many, many, many years ago. That, my good friends, is the Spinnerouski. So, if the stars align, we're gonna hit the name and eventually we're gonna land on it. Mr. Patrick, did you get your gloves on? We're good. I don't want you getting splinters.

SPEAKER_00 59:42

Yeah, big wooden wheel. I want to get splinters, so I am I am all set to go.

SPEAKER_01 59:47

I just I don't know how it fits in your apartment. It's crazy. It's it's weird.

SPEAKER_00 59:52

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 59:53

Oh, now what we do in order to make sure uh Mr. Patrick spins the wheel with enough oomph is we have to cheer him on. So Melissa, you have to say it with me. You have to say spin that roosky. Okay? I'm gonna count us down from three, okay? So three, two, one, spin that roosky. Whoa, whoa. I I feel like my room is shaky.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:27

How many minutes are on it? Oh, we landed on Grace Hail Mary full of grace. Is that it?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:41

I is that her?

unknown 1:00:44

We're not sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:44

We don't know. Melissa, this this was twenty two years ago. So we're hoping that Grace is listening. The lady that was at a special bar in Pewkey, Wisconsin called Boomers.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

Peewalkee. Yes, yes, God, don't you love those Wisconsin names?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:04

Oh my gosh. It's you know, not as cool as Oconoma walk, but or Kiwaskum. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:14

They can't all be zingers. They can't all be zingers. Come on now. So, yes, the idea is that um we Patrick and I were at this lovely, lovely place called Boomers. Oh, it sounds amazing. It yeah, it was. And we were talking, Patrick and I were talking, and my friend, his Patrick's now brother-in-law, was standing behind us, and this lovely, lovely woman appears, and she walks towards us. And Patrick and I, being in our young 20s, go, ooh, our jaws were. Okay, maybe maybe she's coming to talk to us. I don't know. Which one of us she gonna talk to? And she does the whole prayer thing with her hands, pushes it in between us, and then splits us apart so she can walk between us to go talk to our friend. So ever since that day, she has lived rent-free in our heads. We don't know her name, but we've always wanted to thank her for giving us the ugly club, which was born that Eve.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:21

So she's about your age.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:24

Uh, you know what? Sure. I bet it's at least 21 at the time.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:28

So my guess is my guess is Tiffany.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:32

Oh we haven't had a Tiffany. We have not, we have not. And I swear to you, if Tiffany pops up on the next week, Spinneruski, there is a weird thing that happens with the spinneruski, Melissa, and that is like weird coincidences will happen. It's very bizarre. But this week we need to honor Grace. So, Grace, thank you so much for living rent-free in our heads. Thank you for giving us the ugly club, and we hope you have had a wonderful last 20-some years knowing what you gave us. That's just what a delight. What a delight.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:10

Wait, what happened with your friend? Did she did he make out with her or anything? No. No, no, it was kind of nothing.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:16

He was dating my sister at the time, so he was not interested.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:21

And unfortunately, she was also not interested in us.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:26

This is a great idea.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:28

It was not only that we were physically pushed aside, but our egos were kicked about four counties over.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:34

So I'm still I still haven't found mine. I think my ego is in the same place that your CDs. No, your CD player. CD player.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:45

Um at the same bar, Melissa, my car was broken into on a separate night.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:49

This is boomers. Boomers?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:51

Boomers.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:52

I bet you had some good brandy old fashions, eh?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:55

Oh, oh, they did, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:58

You got the brandy old fashioned sweet brandy sweet.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:03

That would have been too high caliber. Maple syrup in there, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:06

They the maple syrup and the brandy old fashions. That's what I used to do.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:10

Oh, geez.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:12

Muddle it. You know, in New York, they have no idea what an old fashioned is. Nothing. Oh, no idea. It's it's just uh ice cube and whiskey. It's not even brandy. But that's a whole other podcast. Yeah, I worked in a bar years ago, and the the, you know, I said you're supposed to muddle it, and he looked at me like you muddle it. And he gave he said, if you want to do it, you muddle it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:37

That reminds me of the bit in uh Shits Creek where uh oh I do too, where uh David and uh um O'Hara, their Moira, yeah. Yeah, Moira Rose, yes. Oh, the cheese, folding the cheese, pull the cheese, fold in the cheese. You pulled them in. So good. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:01

Anyway, you guys, this was a blast. Thanks for having me. What a great way to close out a Thursday night. Of course.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:09

Well, Steve, before we totally wrap things up here, let's do some shout-outs. And I'm gonna just go ahead off the gag, Steve. My shout-out this week should come as no surprise, but it is in fact our guest, Melissa. Melissa, I want to say thank you so much for taking time out of your schedule to join us, especially on East Coast time. You know, uh Melissa and I first connected on Instagram about a year and a half ago. I kind of did a deep dive back when we first had our first conversation. Um, the sober, sober curious community is really amazing there, as Melissa mentioned before. And Melissa being a former cheese head, our first former.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:47

No, I'm not a former cheese head. Still a cheesehead. Once a cheese head, always a cheese head. Physical.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:53

Thank you. A physical space cheese head. Our first few messages were about the green and gold. I look back and it was like I know that. Oh no, they must have lost that game because Melissa was like bummer in or whatever. It's like, oh no. Flashbacks to them us losing in the playoffs. Um, but flash forward to the 2025 holiday season, just uh six months ago, Melissa asked me to be uh a guest on her podcast, and that ultimately led us to where we are sitting here today. So we're very thankful that you were able to uh return the favor.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:26

I love that. Um yeah, thank you for having me. Super fun. You guys are a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:31

No, I well, I echo the same sentiment. Um, it was well, it takes a special person to want to even associate with us. You your ratings are dropping as we speak. So I just I hope you understand the impact. Uh no, really, I I anybody that's a friend of Patrick's is a friend of mine. You are a delight to speak to. I I really appreciate you taking the time and walking us through your adventures and your journeys. And I I really just can't wait to hear more about them. So uh it's not an if, it's a when. You need to come back. So please, that would be wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:10

Yeah, let me know. I'm all right.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:12

Well, um, I I suppose it's probably the time we should shut this business down. Um, now this is the last thing we're gonna ask of you, Melissa. Wow. So you you had to do the spin, that like you had to do that. Now we have to test your singing prowess. Oh. So when we exit out, we always sing ugly out. But it's never on cue or like well. It's always just like whatever music hits your fancy, sometimes it's like the Beach Boys, and sometimes it's like techno, and sometimes there's like heavy metal toss, like whatever. Maybe it's a country twang to your heart's desire, and we all do it at the same time. And okay, all right. So, folks, thank you so much for joining us. We will see you next time, and until then, three, two, one.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:29

That was so great. You had no idea what you were getting in store with me tonight. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:38

I think that was our best one yet. Hands down. Hands down. I think that's it. We're that's a ramp. Well, I guess uh episode 36 is where Grossly Competent ends because we're never gonna tap that one. Sounds ridiculous.